"Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?"Alan King
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Planning International Travel for Christmas?
Christmas international travel 475 [shudder]. No really, a little EQ - managing the attitude, and using the ole noggin' can make it almost pleasant! 1. Pack your patience and your Emotional Intelligence. Turn down the emotiong, turn up the forethought. ...
The Devil's Triangle: My Experience
Florida is a state full of legends and mysteries, but no Florida mystery has attracted more attention over the years then The Bermuda Triangle. Do I believe? Well, my own experience makes me wonder. Florida is a state full of legends and mysteries. The ...
Why Allowances for Back to School?
What do good schools and well thought out allowances have in common? Both teach your child a vitally important life skill: reflective thinking. Kids are naturally impulsive. Learning how to reflect before making a decision – learning to think in ...
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My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.
I was busy painting the backyard fence, when their ten-year
old son came out with the vacuum cleaner. He opened the
front panel, removed the bag, and put it in the bin. Then he
took a replacement bag, fitted it, and went back indoors -
probably to get on with the vacuum cleaning!
Fifteen minutes later he came out with a large plastic
rubbish bag and put it in the bin too. The young kid was at
ease with his chores. He was his usual pleasant self and
there was no sign of moodiness or resentment.
Clearly his parents had taught their kids in a way which -
I have to admit!- my wife and I didn't teach ours.
When our family was growing we tended to do most of the
chores ourselves. We were keen - well, my wife was keen! -
to ensure that we shared the chores as a couple.
This approach backfired as the kids were growing. Since
there was no clearly defined 'chore chart' and since
requests for their help were only made occasionally, there
was a certain reluctance most of the time.
Even today there can be the odd dispute about who should
walk the dog - and loading the dishwasher, it seems, is one
of life's mysteries revealed only to parents.
So here's my advice:
Don't do what we did!
Be like our neighbours and start them young. Bring them up
to realise that if you live in a home, you contribute to the
home. If they grow into this routine, there's unlikely to be
resentment or ill-feeling - provided the chores are
allocated fairly, of course.
What about parents whose older kids who have got off
lightly?
Well, you could continue to slave after your charges - but
why not start a new regime?
One approach often suggested is that you appeal to the
teenager's sense of duty, highlighting their obligations to
themselves and others.
But psychologists tell us that approach is the LEAST likely
to work with teens.
It's a fact of human nature that people tend to respond more
when there's a clear benefit for themselves.
So why not stress the benefits of getting involved in the
household chores? Help them see it as an opportunity to
develop confidence and independence. When they go off to
college or move into a flat or apartment, how are they going
to feel if they can't cope?
How are they going to look in front of friends if they can't
cook, can't wash and iron their clothes, and can't tidy up
after themselves? If they learn these skills, they won't be
stranded!
If your kids are coming to household chores after years of
having things done for them, you may need to use a reward
system to help them over their inertia. No, not gold stars
and trips to the zoo!
Rather, 'Mow the lawn and you can have the car on Friday
night,' or, 'Let's see what you can do around the house and
we'll review your allowance.'
And remember to show them HOW it's done. You may want to
consider working with them the first few times, especially
if it's a task they've never attempted before.
This approach has worked well for my wife and I, who are
late-starters in the 'chores for kids' stakes.
Remember, if things are done out of a sense of 'duty',
people tend to be ambivalent. On the one hand they may feel
obliged to get on with it, but on the other they may resent
it - and that builds up ill-feeling.
Use rewards by all means, but it's better, I think, to help
our kids realise that doing the chores is part of their
development. That way they're more likely to do them
willingly.
This may be a tad idealistic, but this approach, when
blended with an attractive reward, can lead to a well-
deserved, easier life for hard-pressed parents.
Happy parenting!
About the Author
Frank McGinty's writes motivational books for both parents and teenagers. If you want to develop your parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
AND
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
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